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A Leadership Guide to Better Disagreements

Mindful Politics, Part 2 of a 4-Part Series

Politics isn’t just policy and position—it’s people. The way we engage with others, especially those who challenge us, matters just as much as what we stand for. If we want a healthier political culture, we must lead with emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence: What It Is—and Why It Matters

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman describes its key components as:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-regulation
  • Motivation
  • Empathy
  • Social skills

Unlike IQ, which measures cognitive abilities, EQ influences how we navigate relationships, make decisions under stress, and create psychological safety. In fact, emotional intelligence has been shown to be a better predictor of success and leadership than raw intellect.


Everyone We Meet Is Our Teacher

In our first newsletter, we explored the idea that everyone—yes, everyone—we meet can teach us something. This mindset shifts us from defensiveness to curiosity. It allows us to see political adversaries not as enemies but as complex individuals who hold insights we might not yet understand. Emotional intelligence opens us to this learning.

Disagree Better

As we explored in Newsletter #2, disagreement is inevitable—but disrespect is not. Emotionally intelligent people ask:

  • “What am I missing?”
  • “How can I remain present and curious, even when triggered?”
  • “Can I respond instead of react?”

They understand that productive disagreement builds deeper conversations and unexpected alliances.
Trust Begins with Safety
The book Gracious Space teaches us to intentionally create environments that foster respect, openness, and curiosity. In such spaces:

  • People feel safe to speak from the heart
  • Vulnerability isn’t punished—it’s welcomed
  • Dialogue replaces debate

When safety is lacking, people shut down, disengage, or escalate. The political fallout? Polarization, dehumanization, and gridlock.
We must ask ourselves—are we cultivating gracious spaces in our communities and conversations?


Emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice—it’s about being real. It’s about building trust that fuels collaboration. It’s about transforming politics from a battleground into common ground.
Let’s keep walking this mindful path—one conversation at a time.

Mindful Moments: How to Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence isn’t static—it’s learnable. Here are a few intentional practices:

  • Practice self-reflection: What emotion am I feeling right now? What’s underneath it?
  • Pause before responding: Create space between trigger and reaction.
  • Seek feedback: Invite others to share how they experience you—and listen without defense.
  • Learn to label emotions: Develop an emotional vocabulary beyond “mad,” “sad,” and “fine.”
  • Build empathy muscles: Try to see the world through someone else’s lived experience.
  • Strengthen your listening: Listen to understand, not to win.
  • Create safety around you: Be a space where others can be honest and real.

Rising Strong is one of those books that reveals new layers each time you revisit it. I recently listened to a podcast where Brené was interviewed about the book and why it’s making a comeback. Re-reading it helps reconnect with the courage it takes to face failure, own our stories, and transform struggle into growth.

Brown’s vulnerability research is a goldmine for tough conversations, offering language and frameworks that help folks move through disappointment with resilience instead of shame. So I’m making another go of it! Join me and we’ll discuss together.


Erin Taylor Coaching Offerings

As a certified leadership coach, I empower teams to unlock their full potential with the DiSC assessment and The Five Behaviors of a Team.

Whether you’re looking to enhance leadership effectiveness or build a more cohesive team, these tools provide the insights and strategies needed for lasting success. Let’s elevate your team’s performance together – view my offerings now!


Turning Conflict Into Connection

Turning Conflict Into Connection - blog cover image

A Leadership Guide to Better Disagreements

Mindful Politics, Part 2 of a 4-Part Series

Conflict isn’t a sign of poor leadership—it’s a gateway to clarity, connection, and progress. When handled with intention, it can realign strategies, strengthen teams, and spark innovation. Psychologist and author Adam Grant reminds us, “We should agree to disagree more often. Avoiding minor arguments is a missed opportunity for learning.” In this second edition of our mindful politics series, we’ll look at how leaders can embrace disagreement as a powerful practice. Let’s turn friction into fuel for growth.


Common Leadership Pitfalls in Disagreements

One common leadership pitfall in disagreements is the need to be right, where leaders focus on proving their point rather than fostering collaboration, ultimately stifling innovation and trust. Another is attachment to the outcome, which can cause leaders to push for a specific resolution rather than staying open to new perspectives and potential solutions. I’m quite sure I’m guilty of both!

Here are a few more examples of common pitfalls:

  • Communication Framing Matters – Saying, “We need to streamline our hiring process because I care about efficiency,” may unintentionally suggest that others do not. Instead, try, “How can we improve efficiency in a way that supports everyone’s concerns?”
  • Drama Triangle Roles – The Conscious Leadership Group describes the Drama Triangle as a cycle that keeps leaders stuck in reactive patterns. Leaders can unknowingly take on Victim, Villain, or Hero roles. For example:
    • Villain: “My team keeps resisting change.” (Blame)
    • Hero: “I have to fix everything.” (Over-functioning)
    • Victim: “Leadership decisions are unfair to me.” (Helplessness)
  • Forced Communication – Name-calling, controlling, or shutting down ideas stops collaboration before it starts. Instead of demanding agreement, invite diverse perspectives.

Recognizing these roles allows leaders to engage with responsibility rather than reaction.


Leadership Strategies for Productive Conflict

Effective leaders approach conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than a problem to avoid. One key strategy is fostering psychological safety, ensuring that team members feel secure expressing differing viewpoints without fear of retaliation. Another is embracing curiosity over control, where leaders ask open-ended questions and seek to understand rather than push for immediate resolution. Regulating emotional responses also plays a crucial role—leaders set the tone by managing their own reactions, creating an environment where discussions remain constructive. Lastly, building mutual purpose ensures that disagreements focus on shared goals rather than personal agendas, keeping conversations solution-oriented and collaborative.

I always like the following techniques as well:

  • Embrace the “And” – Instead of framing choices as either/or, leaders should ask: How can we balance competing needs? For example:
    • Instead of: “Should we prioritize growth or employee well-being?”
    • Try: “How can we grow the company while supporting our team?”
  • Use the CRIB Framework in Tough Leadership Conversations as outlined in Crucial Conversations, helps leaders restore safety in discussions:
    • C – Commit to finding mutual purpose.
    • R – Recognize the deeper needs behind each perspective.
    • I – Invent new options that honor both sides.
    • B – Brainstorm solutions that align with shared goals.
  • Acknowledge & Validate all day long —Without Agreeing – Saying “I see why that’s frustrating,” keeps discussions open, while saying “That’s not true,” can escalate tension.

Leadership Call to Action

Think about a leadership challenge where conflict has emerged.
Consider:

  1. What assumptions might be blocking resolution?
  2. How could reframing invite better dialogue?
  3. What communication shifts would create more psychological safety?
  4. How can you lead disagreement with curiosity instead of control?

Leaders who embrace constructive disagreement strengthen teams, build trust, and inspire innovation. Are you ready to shift your approach? Let’s continue the conversation.


Graphic that reads: "Smart Things People Say. "Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." - Ghandi. Ghandi's perspective on disagreement is powerful. His words remind us that respectful debate isn't about winning but growing. When approached with openness and integrity, disagreement can strengthen relationships and deepen understanding"
Graphic that reads: "Books by My Bedside. Give and Take by Adam Grant"

I just finished Adam Grant’s Give and Take. In this book, Grant explores how reciprocity styles—givers, takers, and matchers—shape leadership success. He argues that while takers may rise quickly, givers who strategically balance generosity with self-care (otherish givers) build stronger teams, deeper trust, and long-term influence. Leaders who foster a culture of giving—where collaboration and mentorship thrive—see higher engagement and innovation. However, unchecked generosity can lead to burnout, making it essential for leaders to set boundaries while maintaining a giving mindset.I found Give and Take to be a fresh perspective on leadership effectiveness and how we as leaders influence others. It’s an easy read, and probably a good one for a listen in the car. What I love most is that Grant’s research challenges the idea that success requires ruthless competition and instead shows that generosity fuels sustainable achievement.

“This book reshapes how we think about leadership—Grant proves that strategic generosity leads to stronger teams and lasting success.”


Erin Taylor Coaching Offerings

As a certified leadership coach, I empower teams to unlock their full potential with the DiSC assessment and The Five Behaviors of a Team.

DiSC helps individuals understand their unique communication styles, leading to stronger collaboration, reduced conflict, and improved workplace dynamics.

When integrated with The Five Behaviors of a Team—Trust, Conflict, Commitment, Accountability, and Results—teams gain a framework for high-performance teamwork, fostering a culture of resilience and alignment.

Whether you’re looking to enhance leadership effectiveness or build a more cohesive team, these tools provide the insights and strategies needed for lasting success. Let’s elevate your team’s performance together! View my offerings now.


Deescalating Conflict

Warning – I’m going to talk about politics…but it’s going to be ok.

It’s not just the book club story that troubles me—another friend recently shared about the polarizing discord surfacing in her dinner group. These friends, who have known each other for decades, raised their families together, worked together, and found each other in later years, formed a close-knit circle. A circle that takes care of one another, brings soup, visits when sick, and celebrates those precious annual trips around the sun. And now, it’s being torn apart.

I recently had a disheartening conversation with a friend who shared that her cherished monthly book club is falling apart due to political differences. This group, which has been meeting for years, consists of members from various states who are bonded by their decades-long friendship and love of sharing books. Unfortunately, it’s now crumbling because of politics – or shall I say, because of an unwillingness to look beyond the politics. 

I can’t shake the feeling that these are not isolated events. Our nation is deeply divided, with people feeling anger, a desire to be right, and a need to have their voices heard. This tension is causing individuals to lash out at one another, and as a result, cherished things like book clubs and friendships are becoming unintended casualties.

Contempt…
Disgust…
Incivility…
Intolerance…
Enemies…
Dehumanization…
Hate…
Repulsion…
Anger…
Fear…
Self-righteousness…
Block…
Unfriend…

3 frenemies from White Lotus season 3

Sound familiar?

Our world feels more divided than ever, and the situation shows little sign of improving. Gone are the days when we could debate issues and then share a meal together. Now, even discussing issues over dinner is often discouraged. Instead, we focus on proving why we are right and others are wrong. We no longer listen to understand; we react and dismiss not just ideas, but the people behind them.

I’ll admit, I often find it challenging to understand how others can support political views that differ from mine. But what concerns me even more is how we are treating one another. We’re not mindful of how we communicate and we’re not listening. Instead, we’re fixated on proving our point, cutting people off, and creating an “us versus them” mentality.

As someone deeply passionate about politics, with nearly 23 years of experience as a registered lobbyist, I’ve seen almost everything. I encourage everyone to get involved in the political process. Yet, the current climate unsettles me. The old adage, “It’s not personal, it’s politics,” seems to be fading. Politics has become deeply personal, and with it, our sense of community and connection is slipping away.

Personally, I find it deeply unsettling. This newsletter marks the beginning of a four-part series where I will thoughtfully explore how mindful behavior habits can transform the political landscape in America—one conversation at a time.

We already have the tools we need: awareness, non-judgment, human connection, openness, and vulnerability. Mindfulness is about being fully present and aware of what’s happening in the moment, without judgment. It transcends partisanship and religion—it’s simply about embracing our shared humanity.

Books by My Bedside

books by my bedside The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. On page 37 Robbins writes, “We all have moments where we try to control the world around us – especially when we feel hurt, left out, annoyed, or afraid.” Let Them is about consciously allowing others to make their own choices and live their lives, without feeling the need to manage or influence their behavior…It allows you to focus on yourself, because that’s where your true power is.”

She goes on to write, “My point is simple: Adults will have negative opinions about you and everything you do. Let Them judge. Let Them react. Let Them doubt you. Let Them question the decisions you are making. Let Them be wrong about you. Let Them roll their eyes when you start posting videos online or you want to rewrite the manuscript for the 12th time. Instead of wasting your time worrying about them, start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Let Me do what I want to do with my one wild and precious life.”

Let them…Let me. Good stuff.

Call to Action

1 – Everyone We Meet Is Our Teacher

For every conversation, relationship, or circumstance – consider the opportunity to learn more about yourself for each interaction. Where is your mindset going into the conversation? Especially if you know it is going to be difficult? Do you have negative thoughts are running through your head? Are you holding assumptions? What behaviors do you employ to act on those thoughts (triggers)? Weaving mindfulness into the world of politics is an invitation to make it less about YOU and more about WE. 

2 – Responding vs. Reacting

Before you act irrationally or impulsively, take a breath. Simply take a breath. That micro moment will allow you to regroup and respond with a more appropriate reply, even if it is to end the conversation or pivot.

3 – Deescalating Conflict

·  Listen – really, listen. Most people need to feel heard –  “Thank you for sharing…”

·  Respond empathetically – “It sounds like this is important to you”

·  End the conversation/divert/detour (when feeling threatened or triggered)

“It’s clear this issue is an important issue, but I see things differently.”
“I’m not sure we are going to agree. Let’s come back to this at another time…”

In a recent Mel Robbins podcast titled “How to Handle Difficult People & Take Back Your Peace and Power” (interview with Jefferson Fisher), ,Fisher gives some good ideas on how to de-escalate arguments, difficult conversations and remember your boundaries. Remember, you don’t have to accept every invitation to an argument or disagreement. Here are some takeaways….it’s worth a listen.

  • “I could have done better.”
  • “Is this something we have to agree on?”
  • Tell them what you learned or what you agree on – let them know you heard what they are saying…
    • “I learned this from what you said…
    • “I agree this is an important issue…
    • “Maybe so…
    • “Maybe you’re right…

When you are repelled by someone’s viewpoint, what’s next?

Mindful Moments

This exercise comes from the book Beyond Your Bubble – How to Connect Across the Political Divide by Tania Isreal, PhD. Grab your computer or a notebook and a quiet few minutes and see how this sits with you.

  • First, choose an issue to focus on where there are clearly two sides to an issue. Maybe something that just came up in a heated conversation about politics.
  • Now write for 3-5 minutes about people who believe in the opposing position. Allow yourself to express as much anger, frustration, or confusion as you feel.
  • Next, pretend you are the person on the other side. Try to imagine what they think and feel about people like you. Write for 3 to 5 minutes as if you were them writing about people who hold your beliefs. Express yourself with as much anger, frustration, and confusion as they might feel about you.
  • Now, you’re back to being yourself. Write as many reasons as you can think of that someone might hold views on this issue that are different from your own. You might consider their experiences, values, or other things that would lead them to different conclusions on this issue.
  • Consider how you felt about people on the other side of this issue before you did the activity and reflect on how you feel about them now. Do you notice any new insights about them or any shift in your feelings toward them?
smart things people say. adam grant

Feelings are Data

Feelings are Data

Anxious. Angry. Upset. Frustrated. Joyful. Are these states of being? Sentiments? Thoughts?

Fun fact – I deleted my entire article after watching Pixar’s Inside Out 2 movie with my family last night. For those not up-to-date on current youth films, I assert this one transcends generational boundaries.

Credit: Disney

Even if you don’t have children—please, go! My older teen and young adult children recalled the first movie and appreciated how the sequel focused on emotions tied to adolescence. 

They lived it right alongside the movie’s timeline. I certainly lived through it… ages ago! Both Inside Out 2 and the original movie explore emotions and feelings, which everyone experiences regardless of age—as the saying goes, there’s something for everyone!

Acknowledging my own vulnerability, I haven’t always been adept at identifying my feelings and their messages. I’ve often reacted impulsively, bottling them up, letting them dictate my actions. This has led me to react rather than respond.

Since becoming a coach, I’ve learned much about recognizing emotions, feelings, and the thoughts tied to them. I now firmly believe that feelings offer valuable data accessible to each of us at any moment—data relevant to work, home life, and relationships.

Feelings. Are. Data.

This fundamental understanding is available to each of us. Once we begin to recognize our own emotions, it opens the door to understanding others, enhancing communication, and fostering better teamwork (or family dynamics).

Two books I highly recommend on emotions and feelings are Brené Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart” and Marc Brackett’s “Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive.”

I’ve mentioned “Atlas of the Heart” before—it has become a tried and true resource for me, exploring eighty-seven emotions that define the human experience and mapping them out for practical use in life.

Dr. Brackett argues that many children and adults suffer because they feel ashamed of their emotions and lack emotional skills (sound familiar?). His research emphasizes emotional intelligence’s role in learning, decision-making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. I was fortunate to attend a workshop led by Dr. Brackett a few years ago—it was eye-opening. His work with K12 children nationwide has empowered thousands to articulate emotions and communicate effectively. Everyone should read his book.

My mind was blown recently when I discovered a podcast featuring both Brené and Marc discussing feelings – two great minds coming together! One significant issue they address is that many people are reluctant to know how others feel, as it obliges us to respond to those emotions. What if someone admits to feeling anxious, stressed, or depressed? It’s a lot to handle. How do we acknowledge such profound emotions in others? How do we address our own inner struggles?

There is so much more to this issue and I could go on and on. The language of emotions is real, learnable, and attainable. It’s simply data. For now, let’s continue working together to embrace it.


Graphic that reads: "Smart Things People Say. "Between Stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl

Mindful Moments

As a mindfulness facilitator and executive coach, one of the most impactful programs I’ve developed is called The Space Between. This program is designed specifically for office environments and can be delivered either virtually or in person. Its aim is to foster a shared communication framework among colleagues, enabling them to support each other, recognize emotions, and navigate challenging conversations with empathy and grace. It’s real meditation, it’s resilience, it’s learning by doing. 

Here is a quick rundown of what the program can look like:

Previous clients have given rave reviews for this program with more than 75% of the participants incorporating what they learned into their daily lives, and 100% reporting that The Space Between Mindfulness Program met or exceeded their expectations. 

If you would like to know more about The Space Between, please let me know and let’s see how we can structure a program to grow mindfulness in your business environment.


Coaching Openings

Erin Taylor Coaching is happy to announce availability for individual coaching programs.

but hurry, as they will fill up quickly. Please see the website for more information or contact Erin at erin@erintaylorcoaching.com

“Erin’s ability to bring focus, connectedness and compassion to an organization is unparalleled. Through weekly sessions, Erin provides a place for team members to show up – in whatever mental, emotional or physical place they may find themselves – and learn best practices for everything from effective management and conflict resolution to reducing stress, avoiding burnout and finding joy in your work. Through our office’s work with Erin, we have been able to improve communication, productivity and creativity in our office while fostering an environment where team members feel better able to share in their challenges and rejoice in their successes.” ~ US Senate Office


Don’t Feed the Gremlins

Graphic that reads: "Don't Feed the Gremlins"

Does this ring a bell for all you Gen Xers out there? Perhaps some of you straddle the generational divide and are familiar with the 1984 film, Gremlins (and hopefully, millennials and Gens Y & Z, if your folks raised you right). Adhere to these three simple rules, and all will be well in the world. However, we’re all aware of the chaos that ensues when one or more of these rules is broken. If you’re not familiar, go ahead and find out!

Image of Gremlin from 1984 film, Gremlins

As a parent in their 50s with three teenage children, I frequently discuss Gremlins. But I’m not referring to the little green creatures from the movie. I’m talking about the inner voice that sabotages our efforts to be or become our best selves. I call that voice my Gremlin. 
 
I’d wager that each one of you has a Gremlin of your own. Maybe it’s self-doubt, feeling undeserving of love, or a sense of inadequacy. Perhaps it’s a perpetual case of imposter syndrome (often accompanied by the “I’m not good enough” Gremlin).

“I’m not good enough.” That’s my Gremlin. It always has been.

As a professional coach, I frequently encounter clients eager to grow and achieve more in their lives. Yet, we often discover that something is hindering their progress – something that saps their energy and confidence – Gremlins! It’s that small yet persistent voice that accompanies us everywhere, stunting our growth, eroding our confidence, and sometimes, preventing us from becoming who we’re meant to be. For me, it often manifests as excessive preparation and an ongoing battle with perfectionism.
 
Brené Brown delves extensively into perfectionism and suggests it serves as a form of armor, shielding us from judgment by others. That certainly strikes a chord with me. How ironic that such a tiny, fictional creature wields such influence in my life, compelling me to “armor up” for protection. It’s weighty stuff.
 
Now, here’s the good news – through coaching, I’ve gained valuable insights into my Gremlin, and I’ve assisted others in this journey too. I’ve even given my Gremlin a name (trust me, there’s power in doing so) and have acquired various techniques to ensure she has a seat at the table without dominating the conversation.


The 5 AM Club: Own Your Morning. Elevate Your Lifeby Robin S. Sharma 

As someone deeply involved in guiding others towards cultivating better habits of service, I often find myself in a familiar dilemma, navigating similar challenges. While I take pride in integrating annual goal-setting and intention-building practices into my routine, I still grapple with the question of timing. When will I find the time to address my extensive list of self-care needs, which encompass exercise, reflection, meditation, learning, and nurturing my creativity? This perennial question continues to loom over me.

Recently, I came across a book recommendation during a podcast, and it caught my interest. What particularly resonated with me was the 20/20/20 strategy it proposed:

  • Commence the day with 20 minutes of physical activity.
  • Follow this with 20 minutes dedicated to introspection, be it through meditation, journaling, or quiet contemplation.
  • Conclude with 20 minutes devoted to personal growth activities, such as reading, reviewing goals, or acquiring new knowledge.

This structured one-hour routine aims to invigorate both body and mind, establishing a robust foundation for the day ahead. For someone like me, constantly grappling with time constraints, this strategy seems promising, and I’m eager to give it a shot!

Graphic that reads: Smart Things People Say. "Your habits will determine your quality of life." -Dennis Waitley

MINDFUL MOMENTS

Understanding your Gremlin

Let’s delve further into the topic of Gremlins. Take a moment to pinpoint your own Gremlin (sometimes giving it a name can be helpful). “Ah, there’s Karen making an appearance.” (no offense to the Karens out there) 

Developing awareness around your Gremlin (deliberate attention) and documenting your thoughts about it (giving them a place outside your mind) is essential. Here are some prompts to consider:

  • How is your Gremlin currently holding you back or what is it costing you?
  • When does your Gremlin emerge, how do you put up your defenses, and what is it attempting to shield you from?
  • In what ways does your Gremlin’s message clash with your fundamental values?
  • How can you alter your mindset regarding your Gremlin to align more closely with your values?

Choose a response to your Gremlin. “Thanks for the heads-up, but I’ll manage.” Or “Not today, Steve!” Or “While you’re welcome at the table, you don’t get to dictate the proceedings.”


Live your life on purpose! Schedule an appointment with Erin Taylor Coaching.

Fall Into Self-Care

Fall is the perfect time of year to press ctrl+alt+delete and reset your routines around self-care. I’m definitely showing my age here – I’m pretty sure my kids don’t even know what that is. But I digress. Often, summer is a crazy time of year where we enjoy all the things – food & drink, relatives/company, crazy travel schedules, or no schedules and kids home for the summer, perhaps ignoring the things you need to show up in your best energy. I know all of this is true for me. We live in the Mountain West and summers are fleeting so we feel that we must “pack it all in” and cram everything into a few precious weeks of nice weather. 

While grateful for the special times, as a mom, I often feel run down and tired at the end of summer. I crave getting back to the schedule that school requires and I have all of the best intentions to get back into a routine…my routine, for self-care. For me, this is especially important because I have an autoimmune condition that invites some real challenges into my life. So whether it is a change of season, a health challenge, or simply just wanting to do better, building a recipe for self-care can be a game changer.

Feel free to download my Self-Care Success tool under the Resources tab of the website(Adapted from the Magnolia Journal fall 2020: Building a Self-Care Success Formula).

THINK ABOUT YOUR TYPICAL DAY… 

  • What activities make you feel drained of energy or “below the line?” Is it possible to let any of these go to make space for renewal? 
  • Which daily patterns or routines are not working for you right now? Why? 
  • Which areas of your day could benefit from more flexibility and freedom? 
  • Which areas of your life could benefit from some degree of added structure? 
  • Which patterns or habits that are already in place bring you contentment or positive energy – “above the line?” 
  • When and where do you feel most at ease in your life? 
  • Which activities, places, or things make you feel inspired and alive? 
  • What time of the day do you feel most open, receptive, and curious? 

Here’s my recipe:

  • gratitude/reflection – gratitude literally rewires the brain. I have a practice of writing down three things in the morning and three things in the evening for which I am grateful. Usually I write them in a journal.
  • Movement – autoimmune disease invites stiff joints – therefore movement is critical for me. Yoga, pilates, weights, walking the dogs – something to move my body.
  • Food – What I eat = how I feel. Therefore mindful eating is something I strive for most days.
  • Meditation – Science shows that it also works to rewire the brain. But I know it definitely works for me! I have several apps that I use.Headspace, Calm, Ten Percent Happier, and Insight Timer.
  • Sleep – developing healthy sleep habits has been critical for my well being. There’s a lot more to it than simply closing your eyes!
  • Creativity – one of my core values is creativity. Anyone who knows me understands that I am happiest when I am able to cultivate my creative juices.

Have you ever asked someone for a recipe only to find that it just doesn’t come out the same way? Perhaps you were wondering if a key ingredient was left out (intentionally? I hope not!). But we all know the dish just doesn’t taste the same when something is missing. Similarly, if you find yourself “packing it all in” or “wearing the busy badge” and ignoring your self-care routine, what ingredient of your self-care recipe are you missing? Do the work. Know it like the back of your hand. It’s worth it. 

Gratitude in the Workplace – the New Bottom Line

Have you ever worked for someone who never seemed to notice when you did a good job on a project, said thank you for your work, or even acknowledged your effort? How did that make you feel? Chances are, you didn’t last long in that job – or you didn’t have a great attitude about it. Sadly, most of us have walked in those shoes and I would venture to guess that it is probably more the norm across the country than the exception. Just like electronic components for vehicles and the COVID rush on toilet paper, expressions of gratitude in the workplace are falling short on the supply chain.

As employers grapple with such post-pandemic phenomena as quiet quitting and ever emboldened employees wanting remote working options, they are finding that traditional methods of building comradery in the workplace just aren’t cutting it. No more will the “pay a dollar to wear jeans on Friday” or “lunchroom cake for March birthdays” suffice. Employees want to be acknowledged, heard – and they want to be thanked.

In the book Leading with Gratitude: Eight Leadership Practices for Extraordinary Business Results, Adrian Gostick says, “The fact is, people aren’t going to give their all unless their leaders drop fear-based tactics and display caring behaviors: being transparent and fair, listening, admitting their own mistakes, and acting in the team’s best interests.” I highly recommend this book – its smart stuff people are saying.

Similarly, a recent article in Forbes makes a strong business case AND a strong human case for building gratitude in the workplace. It’s simple. It costs nothing and it takes little time or attention. The business case statistics center around motivation, and both individual and team performance and the human case statistics highlight interpersonal connection, community and validation. Indeed, one might suggest that ALL of the statistics support happiness.

“It is not happiness that makes us grateful,
it is gratefulness that makes us happy.”

Brother David Steindl-Rast

So if it’s easy and cheap, perhaps the next best question is HOW do we do it? I would say let’s get back to what Gostick suggests and let go of fear-based norms and practices. Say thank you – both in private, one-on-one and at the weekly staff meeting. Listen to understand how your employees want to be appreciated and allow them to be heard. Perhaps some people do not like public acknowledgement and like stay behind the scenes. Perhaps some people would simply appreciate a piece of nice chocolate and a sticky note. Be vulnerable. 

Remember, in the words of the Catholic Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast, “It is not happiness that makes us grateful, it is gratefulness that makes us happy.” And happy employees make better team members, better leaders and yield better results on the bottom line.

THE LINE that broke me open

The LINE broke me open. It happened in Washington, D.C., a few years ago – 2018, to be exact – and I was attending my first Mindful Leader conference. Listening to one of the keynote speakers, Jim Dethmer, I began to experience something that I frankly don’t usually experience while listening to a speaker at a conference. I was not looking at the program for the next break. I was not scrolling or checking email on my phone. I was taking furious notes, including drawings, arrows, and big capital letters – and colors – (I am a big note taker with colored pens!) I. Was. All. In.

So much so that I changed my flight to attend his workshop on the last day of the conference. And I remember walking up to my room after the session to call my husband, as the concepts Jim introduced could be directly applied to a situation with our son that was difficult to navigate as parents.

So what is the LINE, you ask?

It is about as simple as it gets. A horizontal line. This a line that the folks at the Conscious Leadership Group led by Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman have used to describe one of the most impactful and simple ways to determine where you are on the spectrum of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Are you above the line or below the line?

The book The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership describes the LINE as “the most important model we know of for being a conscious leader.” 

How many leadership models have you seen over the years? Compared to the models to which I have been exposed – I ask – how on earth could a simple horizontal line be so effective? 

I will tell you how – It’s because it is simple… it’s because of the binary nature… it’s because of the ease by which an entire office can assimilate. You are either above… or below the line. 

If a leader is operating above the linethey are open, curious, and committed to learning.

If leaders operate below the linethey are closed, defensive, and committed to being right. 

The key is KNOWING if you are above or below the line and why. It doesn’t mean it’s better or correct to be above the line. If you are below the line, that means something is challenging your energy, your values, or even something as simple as the story you are telling yourself and how that impacts your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Sometimes being below the line serves you somehow. Again, the key is awareness.

The folks at the Conscious Leadership Group as so generous that they openly encourage others to use the concept if proper credit is due. And that’s what I do – it is literally one of the first concepts I introduce to my clients, and it serves as a language by which we communicate “how we are showing up.” I love to tell others about good stuff people are doing, and this is totally worth checking out. Read the book, The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership – A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success (my copy is weathered, dog-eared, highlighted, and underlined), and check out the free resources on the website too (https://conscious.is/). This is good stuff.

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Living in a VUCA World

I’m just going to say it..

“It’s a different world from when I grew up.”

“I would hate to be raising teenagers right now.”

“Let’s just agree to NOT talk about politics.”

“The pandemic is over – get over it.”

Perhaps one of these statements hits home for you. At least one (or more) does for me. When you read them, did you feel the volatility, uncertainty, chaos, and ambiguity held within the statements? Where did you feel it in your body? Perhaps you are remembering your own conversations where similar statements were made and how they made you feel.

When I grew up, we didn’t have cell phones, social media or news outlets that catered to every and all sides of the political divide. My most prized possession as a teenager was my black and white rectangle phone that I got for Christmas. My friends and I listened to the dedication hour on the radio station, took pictures that had to be developed, talked on the phone, and passed notes in class. It’s quite literally the “old frontier” compared to the technology that impacts the lives of our teens today – constant access to communications, social media, instant photos, you know the scene – it’s a world of being always “on.” Both my mother and mother-in-law have said countless times how grateful they are that they do not have the parental challenges of having to navigate technology with our kids. But I digress.

It’s not just technology that is challenging us but perhaps it is because of technology that the world seems to be harsher, more divided, explosive, and tribal (even though it’s a wonderful tool to help keep us connected). This volatility, uncertainty, chaos and ambiguity is showing up on our personal devises, in our schools, at the dinner table, and in the workplace. Finally, throw in a global pandemic, for good measure, to drive many of us over the edge with feelings of anxiety, isolation (both physical and emotional), comparison, and judgment. It’s called VUCA and it is a concept that I have seen used in several forums to describe today’s challenging world.

VUCA – Volatile, Uncertain, Chaotic, Ambiguous

It was first described in 1985 by Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus, in their book “Leaders. The Strategies for Taking Charge.” VUCA was born to describe the four phenomena Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity and it is often used to describe our environment(s) today – whether it is the world of politics, the workplace, public health and safety, education, or technology and each demand intentional responses.

How does this land for you? Can you see VUCA tendencies in your workplace? Your statehouse? In the classroom? In your kids’ social circles? In yours? In your relationships? It’s all around us.

Again, asking you to reflect – when you read the words, “anxiety, isolation, comparison, and judgment” – could you feel it in your body? Our VUCA world is real, and it impacts each of us differently.

Now that we have the music of Darth Vader’s march looming in the background, perhaps it’s time to turn the energy around. The good news is this – people are talking about it! I am a Gen-X’er saying people are talking about it. That might be the first miracle coming from the generation that grew up in a “we don’t talk about that” world – a gift from prior generations, no doubt. 

It’s good that we have some language to describe the challenges in the world today.

It’s good that we have a way to talk about it with our kids, in our businesses, and in our homes and I am hopeful that we can do a better job in our politics (more on that in a future post). There are a lot of smart people who are working very hard to weave in a new take on VUCA – one that includes:

  • Vison
  • Understanding
  • Compassion
  • Adaptability

and I’m going to add in Resilience.

I am seeing this movement in everything from educators to first responders, from the military to the oil field. It’s a new VUCA that builds a foundation in mindfulness and intuitive leadership, bringing awareness to emotional and mental wellbeing, so that we can change our world and support one another. It’s powerful stuff. Boy, doesn’t that make you feel like the Rebel forces are coming to the rescue?