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A Leadership Guide to Better Disagreements

Mindful Politics, Part 2 of a 4-Part Series

Politics isn’t just policy and position—it’s people. The way we engage with others, especially those who challenge us, matters just as much as what we stand for. If we want a healthier political culture, we must lead with emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence: What It Is—and Why It Matters

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. Daniel Goleman describes its key components as:

  • Self-awareness
  • Self-regulation
  • Motivation
  • Empathy
  • Social skills

Unlike IQ, which measures cognitive abilities, EQ influences how we navigate relationships, make decisions under stress, and create psychological safety. In fact, emotional intelligence has been shown to be a better predictor of success and leadership than raw intellect.


Everyone We Meet Is Our Teacher

In our first newsletter, we explored the idea that everyone—yes, everyone—we meet can teach us something. This mindset shifts us from defensiveness to curiosity. It allows us to see political adversaries not as enemies but as complex individuals who hold insights we might not yet understand. Emotional intelligence opens us to this learning.

Disagree Better

As we explored in Newsletter #2, disagreement is inevitable—but disrespect is not. Emotionally intelligent people ask:

  • “What am I missing?”
  • “How can I remain present and curious, even when triggered?”
  • “Can I respond instead of react?”

They understand that productive disagreement builds deeper conversations and unexpected alliances.
Trust Begins with Safety
The book Gracious Space teaches us to intentionally create environments that foster respect, openness, and curiosity. In such spaces:

  • People feel safe to speak from the heart
  • Vulnerability isn’t punished—it’s welcomed
  • Dialogue replaces debate

When safety is lacking, people shut down, disengage, or escalate. The political fallout? Polarization, dehumanization, and gridlock.
We must ask ourselves—are we cultivating gracious spaces in our communities and conversations?


Emotional intelligence isn’t about being nice—it’s about being real. It’s about building trust that fuels collaboration. It’s about transforming politics from a battleground into common ground.
Let’s keep walking this mindful path—one conversation at a time.

Mindful Moments: How to Grow Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence isn’t static—it’s learnable. Here are a few intentional practices:

  • Practice self-reflection: What emotion am I feeling right now? What’s underneath it?
  • Pause before responding: Create space between trigger and reaction.
  • Seek feedback: Invite others to share how they experience you—and listen without defense.
  • Learn to label emotions: Develop an emotional vocabulary beyond “mad,” “sad,” and “fine.”
  • Build empathy muscles: Try to see the world through someone else’s lived experience.
  • Strengthen your listening: Listen to understand, not to win.
  • Create safety around you: Be a space where others can be honest and real.

Rising Strong is one of those books that reveals new layers each time you revisit it. I recently listened to a podcast where Brené was interviewed about the book and why it’s making a comeback. Re-reading it helps reconnect with the courage it takes to face failure, own our stories, and transform struggle into growth.

Brown’s vulnerability research is a goldmine for tough conversations, offering language and frameworks that help folks move through disappointment with resilience instead of shame. So I’m making another go of it! Join me and we’ll discuss together.


Erin Taylor Coaching Offerings

As a certified leadership coach, I empower teams to unlock their full potential with the DiSC assessment and The Five Behaviors of a Team.

Whether you’re looking to enhance leadership effectiveness or build a more cohesive team, these tools provide the insights and strategies needed for lasting success. Let’s elevate your team’s performance together – view my offerings now!


Turning Conflict Into Connection

Turning Conflict Into Connection - blog cover image

A Leadership Guide to Better Disagreements

Mindful Politics, Part 2 of a 4-Part Series

Conflict isn’t a sign of poor leadership—it’s a gateway to clarity, connection, and progress. When handled with intention, it can realign strategies, strengthen teams, and spark innovation. Psychologist and author Adam Grant reminds us, “We should agree to disagree more often. Avoiding minor arguments is a missed opportunity for learning.” In this second edition of our mindful politics series, we’ll look at how leaders can embrace disagreement as a powerful practice. Let’s turn friction into fuel for growth.


Common Leadership Pitfalls in Disagreements

One common leadership pitfall in disagreements is the need to be right, where leaders focus on proving their point rather than fostering collaboration, ultimately stifling innovation and trust. Another is attachment to the outcome, which can cause leaders to push for a specific resolution rather than staying open to new perspectives and potential solutions. I’m quite sure I’m guilty of both!

Here are a few more examples of common pitfalls:

  • Communication Framing Matters – Saying, “We need to streamline our hiring process because I care about efficiency,” may unintentionally suggest that others do not. Instead, try, “How can we improve efficiency in a way that supports everyone’s concerns?”
  • Drama Triangle Roles – The Conscious Leadership Group describes the Drama Triangle as a cycle that keeps leaders stuck in reactive patterns. Leaders can unknowingly take on Victim, Villain, or Hero roles. For example:
    • Villain: “My team keeps resisting change.” (Blame)
    • Hero: “I have to fix everything.” (Over-functioning)
    • Victim: “Leadership decisions are unfair to me.” (Helplessness)
  • Forced Communication – Name-calling, controlling, or shutting down ideas stops collaboration before it starts. Instead of demanding agreement, invite diverse perspectives.

Recognizing these roles allows leaders to engage with responsibility rather than reaction.


Leadership Strategies for Productive Conflict

Effective leaders approach conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than a problem to avoid. One key strategy is fostering psychological safety, ensuring that team members feel secure expressing differing viewpoints without fear of retaliation. Another is embracing curiosity over control, where leaders ask open-ended questions and seek to understand rather than push for immediate resolution. Regulating emotional responses also plays a crucial role—leaders set the tone by managing their own reactions, creating an environment where discussions remain constructive. Lastly, building mutual purpose ensures that disagreements focus on shared goals rather than personal agendas, keeping conversations solution-oriented and collaborative.

I always like the following techniques as well:

  • Embrace the “And” – Instead of framing choices as either/or, leaders should ask: How can we balance competing needs? For example:
    • Instead of: “Should we prioritize growth or employee well-being?”
    • Try: “How can we grow the company while supporting our team?”
  • Use the CRIB Framework in Tough Leadership Conversations as outlined in Crucial Conversations, helps leaders restore safety in discussions:
    • C – Commit to finding mutual purpose.
    • R – Recognize the deeper needs behind each perspective.
    • I – Invent new options that honor both sides.
    • B – Brainstorm solutions that align with shared goals.
  • Acknowledge & Validate all day long —Without Agreeing – Saying “I see why that’s frustrating,” keeps discussions open, while saying “That’s not true,” can escalate tension.

Leadership Call to Action

Think about a leadership challenge where conflict has emerged.
Consider:

  1. What assumptions might be blocking resolution?
  2. How could reframing invite better dialogue?
  3. What communication shifts would create more psychological safety?
  4. How can you lead disagreement with curiosity instead of control?

Leaders who embrace constructive disagreement strengthen teams, build trust, and inspire innovation. Are you ready to shift your approach? Let’s continue the conversation.


Graphic that reads: "Smart Things People Say. "Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress." - Ghandi. Ghandi's perspective on disagreement is powerful. His words remind us that respectful debate isn't about winning but growing. When approached with openness and integrity, disagreement can strengthen relationships and deepen understanding"
Graphic that reads: "Books by My Bedside. Give and Take by Adam Grant"

I just finished Adam Grant’s Give and Take. In this book, Grant explores how reciprocity styles—givers, takers, and matchers—shape leadership success. He argues that while takers may rise quickly, givers who strategically balance generosity with self-care (otherish givers) build stronger teams, deeper trust, and long-term influence. Leaders who foster a culture of giving—where collaboration and mentorship thrive—see higher engagement and innovation. However, unchecked generosity can lead to burnout, making it essential for leaders to set boundaries while maintaining a giving mindset.I found Give and Take to be a fresh perspective on leadership effectiveness and how we as leaders influence others. It’s an easy read, and probably a good one for a listen in the car. What I love most is that Grant’s research challenges the idea that success requires ruthless competition and instead shows that generosity fuels sustainable achievement.

“This book reshapes how we think about leadership—Grant proves that strategic generosity leads to stronger teams and lasting success.”


Erin Taylor Coaching Offerings

As a certified leadership coach, I empower teams to unlock their full potential with the DiSC assessment and The Five Behaviors of a Team.

DiSC helps individuals understand their unique communication styles, leading to stronger collaboration, reduced conflict, and improved workplace dynamics.

When integrated with The Five Behaviors of a Team—Trust, Conflict, Commitment, Accountability, and Results—teams gain a framework for high-performance teamwork, fostering a culture of resilience and alignment.

Whether you’re looking to enhance leadership effectiveness or build a more cohesive team, these tools provide the insights and strategies needed for lasting success. Let’s elevate your team’s performance together! View my offerings now.


Deescalating Conflict

Warning – I’m going to talk about politics…but it’s going to be ok.

It’s not just the book club story that troubles me—another friend recently shared about the polarizing discord surfacing in her dinner group. These friends, who have known each other for decades, raised their families together, worked together, and found each other in later years, formed a close-knit circle. A circle that takes care of one another, brings soup, visits when sick, and celebrates those precious annual trips around the sun. And now, it’s being torn apart.

I recently had a disheartening conversation with a friend who shared that her cherished monthly book club is falling apart due to political differences. This group, which has been meeting for years, consists of members from various states who are bonded by their decades-long friendship and love of sharing books. Unfortunately, it’s now crumbling because of politics – or shall I say, because of an unwillingness to look beyond the politics. 

I can’t shake the feeling that these are not isolated events. Our nation is deeply divided, with people feeling anger, a desire to be right, and a need to have their voices heard. This tension is causing individuals to lash out at one another, and as a result, cherished things like book clubs and friendships are becoming unintended casualties.

Contempt…
Disgust…
Incivility…
Intolerance…
Enemies…
Dehumanization…
Hate…
Repulsion…
Anger…
Fear…
Self-righteousness…
Block…
Unfriend…

3 frenemies from White Lotus season 3

Sound familiar?

Our world feels more divided than ever, and the situation shows little sign of improving. Gone are the days when we could debate issues and then share a meal together. Now, even discussing issues over dinner is often discouraged. Instead, we focus on proving why we are right and others are wrong. We no longer listen to understand; we react and dismiss not just ideas, but the people behind them.

I’ll admit, I often find it challenging to understand how others can support political views that differ from mine. But what concerns me even more is how we are treating one another. We’re not mindful of how we communicate and we’re not listening. Instead, we’re fixated on proving our point, cutting people off, and creating an “us versus them” mentality.

As someone deeply passionate about politics, with nearly 23 years of experience as a registered lobbyist, I’ve seen almost everything. I encourage everyone to get involved in the political process. Yet, the current climate unsettles me. The old adage, “It’s not personal, it’s politics,” seems to be fading. Politics has become deeply personal, and with it, our sense of community and connection is slipping away.

Personally, I find it deeply unsettling. This newsletter marks the beginning of a four-part series where I will thoughtfully explore how mindful behavior habits can transform the political landscape in America—one conversation at a time.

We already have the tools we need: awareness, non-judgment, human connection, openness, and vulnerability. Mindfulness is about being fully present and aware of what’s happening in the moment, without judgment. It transcends partisanship and religion—it’s simply about embracing our shared humanity.

Books by My Bedside

books by my bedside The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. On page 37 Robbins writes, “We all have moments where we try to control the world around us – especially when we feel hurt, left out, annoyed, or afraid.” Let Them is about consciously allowing others to make their own choices and live their lives, without feeling the need to manage or influence their behavior…It allows you to focus on yourself, because that’s where your true power is.”

She goes on to write, “My point is simple: Adults will have negative opinions about you and everything you do. Let Them judge. Let Them react. Let Them doubt you. Let Them question the decisions you are making. Let Them be wrong about you. Let Them roll their eyes when you start posting videos online or you want to rewrite the manuscript for the 12th time. Instead of wasting your time worrying about them, start living your life in a way that makes you proud of yourself. Let Me do what I want to do with my one wild and precious life.”

Let them…Let me. Good stuff.

Call to Action

1 – Everyone We Meet Is Our Teacher

For every conversation, relationship, or circumstance – consider the opportunity to learn more about yourself for each interaction. Where is your mindset going into the conversation? Especially if you know it is going to be difficult? Do you have negative thoughts are running through your head? Are you holding assumptions? What behaviors do you employ to act on those thoughts (triggers)? Weaving mindfulness into the world of politics is an invitation to make it less about YOU and more about WE. 

2 – Responding vs. Reacting

Before you act irrationally or impulsively, take a breath. Simply take a breath. That micro moment will allow you to regroup and respond with a more appropriate reply, even if it is to end the conversation or pivot.

3 – Deescalating Conflict

·  Listen – really, listen. Most people need to feel heard –  “Thank you for sharing…”

·  Respond empathetically – “It sounds like this is important to you”

·  End the conversation/divert/detour (when feeling threatened or triggered)

“It’s clear this issue is an important issue, but I see things differently.”
“I’m not sure we are going to agree. Let’s come back to this at another time…”

In a recent Mel Robbins podcast titled “How to Handle Difficult People & Take Back Your Peace and Power” (interview with Jefferson Fisher), Fisher gives some good ideas on how to de-escalate arguments, difficult conversations and remember your boundaries. Remember, you don’t have to accept every invitation to an argument or disagreement. Here are some takeaways…. it’s worth a listen.

  • “I could have done better.”
  • “Is this something we have to agree on?”
  • Tell them what you learned or what you agree on – let them know you heard what they are saying…
    • “I learned this from what you said…
    • “I agree this is an important issue…
    • “Maybe so…
    • “Maybe you’re right…

When you are repelled by someone’s viewpoint, what’s next?

Mindful Moments

This exercise comes from the book Beyond Your Bubble – How to Connect Across the Political Divide by Tania Isreal, PhD. Grab your computer or a notebook and a quiet few minutes and see how this sits with you.

  • First, choose an issue to focus on where there are clearly two sides to an issue. Maybe something that just came up in a heated conversation about politics.
  • Then write for 3-5 minutes about people who believe in the opposing position. Allow yourself to express as much anger, frustration, or confusion as you feel.
  • After that, shift your perspective. Pretend you are the person on the other side. Try to imagine what they think and feel about people like you. Once you’ve done this introspection, write for 3 to 5 minutes as if you were them writing about people who hold your beliefs. Express yourself with as much anger, frustration, and confusion as they might feel about you.
  • Next, you’re back to being yourself. At this point, write as many reasons as you can think of that someone might hold views on this issue that are different from your own. You might consider their experiences, values, or other things that would lead them to different conclusions on this issue.
  • Finally, consider how you felt about people on the other side of this issue before you did the activity and reflect on how you feel about them now. Do you notice any new insights about them or any shift in your feelings toward them?
smart things people say. adam grant

Feelings are Data

Feelings are Data

Anxious. Angry. Upset. Frustrated. Joyful. Are these states of being? Sentiments? Thoughts?

Fun fact – I deleted my entire article after watching Pixar’s Inside Out 2 movie with my family last night. For those not up-to-date on current youth films, I assert this one transcends generational boundaries.

Credit: Disney

Even if you don’t have children—please, go! My older teen and young adult children recalled the first movie and appreciated how the sequel focused on emotions tied to adolescence. 

They lived it right alongside the movie’s timeline. I certainly lived through it… ages ago! Both Inside Out 2 and the original movie explore emotions and feelings, which everyone experiences regardless of age—as the saying goes, there’s something for everyone!

Acknowledging my own vulnerability, I haven’t always been adept at identifying my feelings and their messages. I’ve often reacted impulsively, bottling them up, letting them dictate my actions. This has led me to react rather than respond.

Since becoming a coach, I’ve learned much about recognizing emotions, feelings, and the thoughts tied to them. I now firmly believe that feelings offer valuable data accessible to each of us at any moment—data relevant to work, home life, and relationships.

Feelings. Are. Data.

This fundamental understanding is available to each of us. Once we begin to recognize our own emotions, it opens the door to understanding others, enhancing communication, and fostering better teamwork (or family dynamics).

Two books I highly recommend on emotions and feelings are Brené Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart” and Marc Brackett’s “Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive.”

I’ve mentioned “Atlas of the Heart” before—it has become a tried and true resource for me, exploring eighty-seven emotions that define the human experience and mapping them out for practical use in life.

Dr. Brackett argues that many children and adults suffer because they feel ashamed of their emotions and lack emotional skills (sound familiar?). His research emphasizes emotional intelligence’s role in learning, decision-making, creativity, relationships, health, and performance. I was fortunate to attend a workshop led by Dr. Brackett a few years ago—it was eye-opening. His work with K12 children nationwide has empowered thousands to articulate emotions and communicate effectively. Everyone should read his book.

My mind was blown recently when I discovered a podcast featuring both Brené and Marc discussing feelings – two great minds coming together! One significant issue they address is that many people are reluctant to know how others feel, as it obliges us to respond to those emotions. What if someone admits to feeling anxious, stressed, or depressed? It’s a lot to handle. How do we acknowledge such profound emotions in others? How do we address our own inner struggles?

There is so much more to this issue and I could go on and on. The language of emotions is real, learnable, and attainable. It’s simply data. For now, let’s continue working together to embrace it.


Graphic that reads: "Smart Things People Say. "Between Stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Viktor Frankl

Mindful Moments

As a mindfulness facilitator and executive coach, one of the most impactful programs I’ve developed is called The Space Between. This program is designed specifically for office environments and can be delivered either virtually or in person. Its aim is to foster a shared communication framework among colleagues, enabling them to support each other, recognize emotions, and navigate challenging conversations with empathy and grace. It’s real meditation, it’s resilience, it’s learning by doing. 

Here is a quick rundown of what the program can look like:

Previous clients have given rave reviews for this program with more than 75% of the participants incorporating what they learned into their daily lives, and 100% reporting that The Space Between Mindfulness Program met or exceeded their expectations. 

If you would like to know more about The Space Between, please let me know and let’s see how we can structure a program to grow mindfulness in your business environment.


Coaching Openings

Erin Taylor Coaching is happy to announce availability for individual coaching programs.

but hurry, as they will fill up quickly. Please see the website for more information or contact Erin at erin@erintaylorcoaching.com

“Erin’s ability to bring focus, connectedness and compassion to an organization is unparalleled. Through weekly sessions, Erin provides a place for team members to show up – in whatever mental, emotional or physical place they may find themselves – and learn best practices for everything from effective management and conflict resolution to reducing stress, avoiding burnout and finding joy in your work. Through our office’s work with Erin, we have been able to improve communication, productivity and creativity in our office while fostering an environment where team members feel better able to share in their challenges and rejoice in their successes.” ~ US Senate Office


Welcome In

Graphic that reads: "Welcome in"

Well, here we are…the holidays are in the rearview mirror, school is in session and everyday life is back to the old grind. And January. Is. Already. Over. How on earth did that happen?

In my ideal world, I should have already finished my 2023 reflections and mapped out my goals and intentions for this year. Did that happen? Sort of. Here and there. Kind of. Not all at once. Sound familiar? Surely, I am not alone in this boat. But I have been thinking about it. A lot.

What’s resonating to me right now? I told my teenage kids that I was considering writing about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable, a fairly popular concept embraced by the likes of the United State Marine Corp and the high school soccer team alike. 
 
They both groaned. We’ve all heard that before.

Back to the Drawing Board

So, I went back to the drawing board and gave it more thought while driving across Wyoming- such a journey providing the perfect opportunity – and recalled my morning meditation. It centered on fundamental ideas like non-judgment, acceptance, curiosity, and embracing the discomfort of uncertainty. In essence, it emphasized the idea that everything is welcome. The meditation app referred to it as “welcome to the party,” but I personally likened it to the feeling of entering a retail store, where we’re often greeted with a warm “welcome in.”
 
My co-worker, the one who always annoys me, is annoying me. – welcome in.
 
I didn’t like the tone of my husband’s text message – welcome in.
 
I hate the way these pants look on me – welcome in.
 
Our perceptions of a situation are shaped by a combination of experiences, emotions, interpretations, judgments, thoughts, and physical reactions. These elements frequently influence the decisions and actions we choose to pursue. When marred by judgment, non-acceptance, and a lack of curiosity, we often find ourselves stuck in a cycle, not presenting ourselves in the manner we aspire to. 

But what if there was a way to circumvent that? What would it be like to welcome in distressing feelings, judgmental thoughts or physical reactions? Welcome in whatever is taking you below the line. What would it feel like to say nothing is not welcome?
 
Perhaps there is opportunity to learn. And perhaps there is an opportunity to accept. Perhaps, even an opportunity to move beyond a treasured and prized opinion that you know is certainly always right.
 

Welcome in. 


This concept has earned a spot in my intentions and goal setting process for the coming year. I plan to use it as a mantra.
 
Welcome in.



MINDFUL MOMENTS


I’m a big proponent of practicing the pause – Let’s add one more step – during that microsecond, say to yourself, “welcome in” to whatever is taking you below the line. Acknowledging and accepting the thoughts or emotions, one can create space for a more measured and intentional response, fostering better communication and decision-making. Integrating such techniques into daily interactions can contribute to personal growth and more positive outcomes for us all.

Give it a try.


Welcome in. You’re safe here.

Introducing Erin Taylor Coaching LLC

Erin Taylor headshot

I’m proud and excited to present, Erin Taylor Coaching, LLC!

Erin Taylor Coaching works with executives, association leaders, teams and emerging leaders to build resilience and meet their goals – essentially, to cultivate their energy to live life on purpose. Building from a bedrock of professional experience of more than 20 years of association leadership, board management, government relations, public affairs, and politics, I am happy to announce a new venture that combines this experience by helping others through executive coaching and workplace mindfulness training.

Specializing in wellness, life-balance, intuitive leadership coaching, in addition to workplace mindfulness, I utilize several proven assessments to measure your how you are showing up and develop your leadership potential.

One of my favorite quotes is from Viktor Frankl: 

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It is in that space where I learned how to change my life for the better and am a big fan of incorporating mindfulness practices into my coaching. I have seen firsthand what it can do in the world of politics, a corporate environment, and my family. In the simplest of terms, it worked for me – I discovered the Space Between. This is what one client has to say,

This is what one client has to say, 
“As a coach, Erin knows how to help you bring your personal and professional goals into focus — recognizing that they are intrinsically tied together. She meets clients where they are at, utilizing her extensive mindfulness and meditation training along with experienced business acumen to create a program that works for you. Erin is resourceful, compassionate and encouraging while providing the accountability needed to tackle your biggest challenges.” 

I am excited to work with executives and teams both in Wyoming and nationwide to do just that – bring your personal and professional goals into focus by aligning your energy with your values and mission. Thank you for your support – here’s to new ventures ahead!

Discover the Space Between


Book cover, titled: "go. follow. lead. by janna magette butler, ph.d"

Books on my Bedside:

go. follow. lead: from my journey to yours
by Janna Magette Butler

What’s interesting so far?

Butler believes leadership is about bringing all of yourself to everything you do. Her favorite word is “go.”

Taylor Takeaways:

  • I love the idea of writing a letter to someone you know once a week. (This is just one of the many great ideas in the book and is THE REASON I am reading this book. A friend sent me a letter and told me about this book). Maybe it’s an encouragement to someone you mentor. Perhaps it’s a thank you or acknowledgment for someone or something you saw from afar.
  • 52 letters, 52 weeks. I’m going to try it!
Graphic that reads: "Smart Things People Say. "A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life." - Christopher K. Germer

Mindful Moments

One of my favorite methods to employ the tiniest bit of mindfulness into my day is to “practice the pause.” It’s simple – find something during your day that allows you to tune out, tune in, focus on your environment, or simply “be.” It could be something like the following:

  • Make a cup of tea. Heat the water, take in the aroma of the tea, let the hot water warm your hands, mindfully take that first sip. This is favorite way to pause.
  • Take a break before you sit down at the start of a new meeting to set an intention for the meeting. How do you want to show up?
  • Consider a “moment to arrive” at the beginning of every meeting. Use the minute to literally leave the rest behind you. Collect yourself to be present for the next meeting, put away any distractions, and take a deep breath.
  • Take the stairs and intentionally think about the benefits the activity brings to your body
  • Think about how your food came to be on your table – think about the farmer, the processer, the transportation, the storage, the preparation, the service, the garbage. How is this food nourishing your body?
  • Get outside!